How should I pray?

Short answer

Pray sincerely to God as your Father, coming to Him through Jesus rather than on your own merit. Use the Lord’s Prayer as a pattern, bring every need and worry to Him with thanks, and keep praying with perseverance.

Many people want to pray but are not sure how to begin. They wonder whether they need special words, a certain posture or a holy place. Jesus did not answer with a technique. He taught His disciples what kind of heart prayer needs and gave them words to start with.

Prayer is sincere talk with your Father

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus warned against two faults in prayer. Matthew Henry names them vainglory and vain repetitions: praying to be admired by people, and piling up words as if God could be worn down.

And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.
Matt 6:5–8 · King James Version (1769)

Jesus is not condemning public prayer as such. The commentary of Jamieson, Fausset and Brown points out that prayer can be offered anywhere, as long as it is not driven by a wish to be seen. Nor is He forbidding long prayers or using the same words twice. The word He uses means babbling: a senseless multiplying of words in the hope that quantity will be heard.

Why pray at all, if the Father already knows what we need? John Wesley answers that we do not pray to inform God. Prayer changes us: it exercises our dependence on Him and makes us ready to receive what He gives.

We can come with confidence, not because we are good enough, but because Jesus is our High Priest. That is why the letter to the Hebrews invites believers to approach the throne of grace boldly (Hebrews 4:16). Praying in Jesus’ name (John 14:13) is not a formula added at the end. Henry explains that it means pleading Christ’s merit and intercession and depending on that alone.

Even when we do not know what to say, we are not alone. Paul writes that the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness and intercedes for us (Romans 8:26). Henry notes that the Spirit teaches us what to pray for and stirs up longings for God that are often deeper than words.

Jesus gave us a pattern

Right after His warning, Jesus gave His disciples the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9–13). Henry observes that we are not tied to using only these words, but it is very good to use them, as long as we pray them with understanding. The prayer also shows the right order of prayer:

First God’s honor. The first requests are about God: that His name be honored as holy, His kingdom come and His will be done on earth as in heaven. Barnes notes that putting them first teaches us that God’s glory matters more than our wants.
Then our needs. Only after that do we ask for daily bread, forgiveness as we forgive others, and protection from temptation and evil. Nothing is too ordinary to bring to God.

You do not need to follow the outline mechanically. But when you are unsure what to pray, it gives you a place to start. Each line is explained in What is the Lord’s Prayer?.

Bring everything to God

Paul tells believers to turn their worries into prayer.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Phil 4:6–7 · King James Version (1769)

Wesley puts it briefly: “Carefulness and prayer cannot stand together.” Things great and small can be brought to God, with thanks for what He has already done. The promise is not that every problem disappears at once. Wesley explains that God’s peace will guard the heart and mind, as a garrison guards a city.

Praying without ceasing does not mean saying words every minute. Henry links it with constant joy and with thanksgiving in everything. It is a life that keeps turning to God through the day. Jesus also told a parable about a widow who kept coming to an unjust judge, to teach His disciples to keep praying and not lose heart (Luke 18:1).

And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:

1 John 5:14 · King James Version (1769)

This verse gives both confidence and humility. God hears His children, and we can ask freely. Yet, as Henry writes, our prayers must be offered in submission to God’s will: some are answered quickly, and others are granted in the best way, though not in the way we asked.

How to start praying today

If prayer feels unfamiliar, start small and keep going:

Find a quiet time. Jesus rose long before daylight to pray in a solitary place (Mark 1:35; Luke 5:16). Henry draws the lesson that even the busiest people need time alone with God. Barnes adds that without some place to be alone with Him, secret prayer is hard to keep up.

Be honest and simple. You do not need religious language. God looks at the heart, not at the length or polish of your words.

Pray for others. Bring your family, friends, church and even people who are hard to love before God.

Pray with others. Jesus promised His presence where two or three gather in His name (Matthew 18:20). He spoke these words about the church settling a dispute, but Henry applies them to every gathering of believers in Christ’s name.

Prayer grows the way any relationship grows: by spending time together. You will not always feel close to God when you pray. Keep coming to Him as a child comes to a loving Father, and trust that He hears you.